i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ambien. No doubt about it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
