Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
