And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
