I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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