I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
