A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
