Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I forgot how hot balto sounded
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize