I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
