i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
