I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
