If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
