AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
