you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
