did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize