Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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