My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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