at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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