If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
