toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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