i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
