mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
