Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
