When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the day after is always just damage control
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
