I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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