I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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