Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
