We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
