It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
