OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
