every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
