is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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