the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
