can we get nightvision for the apartment?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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