Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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