It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
