also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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