so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
