At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
