you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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