Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
