I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
