his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
