it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize