that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
