hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
