As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
