508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Buhtt sex?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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