Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
