Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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