I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize