HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
