Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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