I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
