and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
