I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
smell my finger.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
