Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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