So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
