Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
