I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
