the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i was in the wii world.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
