Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
