I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
