One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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