I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
