this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
