i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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