she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just invented taco cereal.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
