Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
