All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
