My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize